Saturday, April 13, 2013

 
    flow...

I didn't grow up knowing I was an artist, or that one day I would live my life as one.  I knew that I would love what I did all day long, and answer to myself.  I believed and hoped that would be my life, anyway.  So the fact that those two things are true in my life, is absolutely marvelous! The surprising element, the bit about me being an artist,  is kind of an amazing surprise.  But in a way, it's not.  I remember slipping away with a notebook at my grandma's house, writing songs.  That was a short chapter, like many of my other experiments along the way to find where I fit.  I remember singing and designing clothes.  Humorous in a way, but also very lovely.  I remember showing a design to a friend who already knew she was an artist, and later laughing with her about that.  It was a basic unpolished design that would never ever come to be, thankfully!  What was present then, and has never dulled, is a deep longing to make things. To express myself, through my own creations.  Only in the early days, I hopped from one thing to another, without regret I must say, looking for what I was really good at.  What that young girl didn't realize was, very few of us pick up a pencil for the first time and create a masterpiece.  As I tried on one thing after another, I was in search of what I was good at.  I thought that what I was good at, would be my vocation.  I would know then, and only then,  which path to choose.  Life would make sense.  It took two decades of growth and life experiences, to appreciate a truth that would change everything - would entirely change the way I see everything...and do everything.  How I cook, eat, create, parent, love - everything. When you find something that makes you feel good, there is a beautiful energy all around the experience, all around you .... your pure and straight forward pleasure adds something beautiful in the world that can't be found in any other way. Through any other person.  
I am more than a little grateful for this....

When Sam was six we asked him to choose an instrument he would like to play.  After a couple trips to the music store, he decided guitar would be of interest, at least to start.  We soon found out that he was pretty handy with his instrument and he could read music before he could read words.  It all came very naturally to him,  his teacher would tell us excitedly, that we might want to consider pushing him into recitals and such.  hmm.  We decided to let him determine his own flow, and while he did go to lessons and did reluctantly practice (always good no matter what!) - he never entered a more serious level of playing.  In fact, two years later he quit completely.   We didn't persuade him to change his mind, he had given it a good shot, and while we missed his plinking and plucking - my beliefs on choosing what makes you feel good, over what you are good at - was tested.  He tried drums, voice lessons, and many other things along the way.  But what he really loved, was football.  So we signed him up then, and at twelve, he is going into his fourth season.  He comes home battered and bruised, happy, each wound a badge.  If he was doing that for us, or because he was simply good at it - those bruises would hurt far more than they do!  

We don't need to go after what we are good at, unless it's also something that lights us up.  We needn't  be fooled into believing what we are good at, is also what we are here to do.  My philosophy, and it might not work for everyone...never choose a path in which your talents are evident, but the deep connections to them are missing. What I learned and feel is one of the greatest gifts given to me - is that when you find something that makes you feel good, makes you feel the way you want most to feel...then you've stumbled into your life's work.  Then you have found work you will be happy giving entire nights to, and all your money and all your energy to.  You won't see the brusises as painful reminders of what you must do, but celebrations of what you will do every moment of every day, given the chance.  

That's my idea, of going with the flow....

In the studio today...
She's been a digital day.  Truthfully, it's taken a few of them.  Wanting to say farewell to Beautiful Day and putting the finishing touches on Feel, took more time than I thought it might.  A lesson in patience was mine.  It took me time to find my voice... a transition into a new space was a process.  Naturally.  I'm there now.  Energetically and visually.  I am happy with how it feels around here today.  
In other news, a piece of my art was on LOVE IT OR LIST IT this week, so I am off to see if I can find it on line.  I am told it's the Oliver and Melissa episode.  
See you sooner than later.  
Txo

The image above is my woolly sailboat (in my art shop) that I made during the winter months.  I said if it was still with me in the spring, I would sail her in the spring puddles....I kept my word.  

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